To continue with my insights on the book by Marshall
Goldsmith, “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There,” this
week I will be discussing the habit of: replying with
“no,” “but,” or “however.”
Regardless of how friendly our tone is in a conversation,
whenever we use one of these 3 words or the infamous “yes,
but…” response, the message to the other person is that
he/she is wrong and about to be corrected.
HR CONTRARIAN POINTER: Goldsmith’s solution is to stop
using the words in conversation and simply say “thank you”
to the person for his/her input. Depending on the
situation, I see great merit in Goldsmith’s solution.
However an equally appealing solution, depending on the
situation, was presented by Susan Scott in her book,
Scott’s solution was to respond with “yes, and…” By using
a “yes, and…” response, you signal to the other person
(e.g., business associate, family member, etc.) that your
view of the situation is not competing with his/her view.
When you eliminate the potential for Win/Lose in a
conversation, you find more ways to achieve Win/Win.